I am trying to find a way to start this post, and I keep rewriting my first sentence. As a husband and father, it brings me so much joy to see my family grow in happiness and joy and peace, and I have been trying to encourage all of my family through this difficult time, even though I feel like I am the one who needs encouragement. When I found out my baby boy was going to need surgery and that he would have challenges growing up, my first thoughts were what quality of life he would be able to have. I was scared for him, that the joys of life would not be experienced by him to the same level that I have had, or that I have seen in my daughters short lives thus far. I feel helpless because I cannot change whatever happens when my son is born in a few days. As a guy who's job it is to fix things and help people, this is very hard for me to take. I have been challenged in all of this, to give all of my trials back to God and trust Him with his little life.

As Abraham was called to bring Isaac up to be offered to God, I feel called to offer control of my son's life to God, who is, was, and always will be in control of his life. This isn't working for me. I keep struggling with my own fears and praying that God will miraculously heal my boy, or that the surgery will heal his back 100%. I have felt like I am not strong enough to be a dad to this little boy. I probably never will be. God's strength has helped me lead my family in this time, and God's strength will get us through whatever happens in the next few days and weeks, as we go into the operating room for the birth of "bob" (as our friend calls him, for lack of a shared name).  I have had so much support and in so many ways from friends and family, and our church family that has been overwhelming. 

Our family is definitely a work in progress, and always will be as we grow on earth, and grow in Christ. I'm not a pastor, evangelist or public speaker, but I wanted to share what has been on my mind and heart as we're preparing for this next step. I am determined to provide my son the best care and best attention I can give him, so that he can have the best life possible. He will have a good life because God doesn't make mistakes, and God cares about this little life who has no idea what is about to happen to his warm safe place. I know we will have some tough times ahead as we're in the hospital for who knows how long, waiting to take him home. every time I pray for him, I ask that God would give him healing, or give me strength to love him as he needs to be.

Thank you for being with us, hugging us, encouraging us, sharing with us and praying for us. We know we're not alone here or in Heaven.